Many days this past week have been awful, in the sense of "I am yelling at my daughter and I don't even know WHY and I can't seem to stop myself." I was so tired last week, one morning I tried to make tea without a tea bag (but with honey), and last night I went to bed at 7:30. Now Iris's sleep is getting slightly better, but not so much that a sane person would notice, you know what I mean? Anyway, I am certainly not depressed, because there are all kinds of things I'm dying to do (write, knit, clean up this goddamned house). But it turns out I am sick of being a parent. How come no one ever says that? Maybe everyone else is mature enough to just say "I need a little break." But to me it doesn't feel like that, it just feels like I am sick of the whole thing.
Regardless, I am getting some sort of break: I am going back to (two days a week) work tomorrow. And the girls both start day care tomorrow. I am sure that the books say not to do that. To stagger the starts so it's not everyone's first day at once. But we love to flaunt the rules, so here we go. Bags are packed. Clothes are labeled. Milk is pumped. I can only hope that eight-ish hours in the office will do something to renew my affection for my family, because for the past many days it's been at an all-time low.
1.22.2008
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Oh, C - I know, I really, really do. And yes, I'll say it: I get sick of being a parent sometimes. Actually being your average Dad doesn't sound so terrible, just being a mom is what I'm sick of. Seeing you guys on Saturday turned out to be the unqualified highlight of the weekend. N has a sinus infection that is making him very hard to live with, and O chewed on his bedroom window sill, so we had to get him in for an immediate lead test. He'll be fine, we'll be fine, but yeah, just sick of it all. I think I kind of hate the latter half of the second year. I hope you get to your office, make yourself a nice cup of tea, close the door if you have one, and take a nice breath of relief. I'll be thinking of you guys tomorrow - let me know if I can help with anything.
ReplyDeleteI never say I'm sick of being a parent. I say I'm sick of having children. Just two days ago I said, "I am tired of having children now. You small people go away." But they didn't. They continued clobbering each other and screaming about it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the return to work!
I absolutely feel that way sometimes! And, you're right - it isn't depression. It's something else entirely. Anyway, I hope your time in the office provides some relief!
ReplyDeleteOMG YES. I had a few days like this where I just didn't like the person I was with my children. On the other issue, I think it makes sense to have everyone's day be at the same time. Good luck! I do find that affection for my family quickens immesurably with time apart.
ReplyDeleteYup, I get tired of it too. Especially when we're all sick. How I miss my pre-children sick days when I had nothing more pressing to do than nap and watch daytime TV. On some days going to work would be a little slice of heaven.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, I hope everything goes great!
I hear you. Oh man do I hear you.
ReplyDeleteHope work was/is good.
I'm sorry. Absence, surely, will make the heart grow fonder. :) At least you'll get to sit down and go to the bathroom in peace.
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