So far this week:

  • The new $70 USB-powered hard drive I bought for work but didn’t have the heart to ask my struggling employer to reimburse me for wouldn’t work. A fixed it last night after I accused him of making my life less efficient. Glad he could do it, but felt incompetent. And guilty.

  • My iPod wouldn’t work for some reason, then mysteriously started working, but with no clear connection to any of the five things I spent time doing to try to fix it.

  • And This American Life and Planet Money and Radio Lab seem like they’ve taken the week off anyway.

  • So I had nothing good to listen to and running felt like a chore.

  • And Turbotax is the slowest thing ever.

  • Probably because I did our taxes at almost the last minute.

  • And I don’t have all our child care receipts and I don’t want to talk to Iris’s old day care director, so we aren’t going to get to take the deduction.

  • Because I was disorganized.

  • Am disorganized. Although I like to think otherwise.

  • I turned in two Signing Time DVDs to the library, each in the wrong case, and the library lost one of them, and now they won’t let me renew anything or check anything out because they believe I’ve stolen something. So I am racking up fines and feel all itchy because I can’t request books.

  • Yesterday I said in a loud, mean voice on the phone to the librarian, “Are you calling me a liar?”

  • Oh my God, I yelled. At the librarian.

  • And A and I are having that reentry thing, which I’ll be able to write about in a funny way in about three days when it’s over but right now seems Not Funny. At All.

  • This blog is ugly, isn’t it? Especially if you look at it in Safari on a Mac. More people would stay if it were prettier, wouldn’t they?

  • Also, this article made me feel boxed in and furious, but I can't gather up enough time or thought to say why in any good way.

  • And I’m afraid that all the lousiness and stress of this historical moment is killing creativity and generosity right and left. Mine included.

  • And worried about not being able to write. Well. Or at all. About things that are complicated or interesting. Without being a cartoon trend-following bad mother.

  • Yuck.

Updated three hours later:

  • A mean, crazy lady just made me cry at work by ranting at me on the phone about something crazy I didn't understand and treating me like a worthless secretary, even though I was extra, extra patient and listened to her for far longer than I should have.

  • Which is probably my comeuppance for yelling at the librarian yesterday.

  • Also, I found out Ingrid's favorite teacher is leaving her day care next month.

  • Waah.


  1. What a shitty week! The first time my husband and I experienced what you call reentry, it threw us for such a loop... It's a real thing, and we didn't expect it or know how to deal with it (if there even is a way, besides wait it out). And about the pretty blog thing -- I think about this a bit with photography -- how to capture and share moments without "selling" them (even to myself). Without commodifying my experience. Sorry for the long comment! All I really need to say is hang in there, things can't stay this crappy for long.

  2. your writing stays with me in ways that the writing discussed in that wsj article doesn't. you write beautifully, especially about your children - the piece that you wrote about skating last winter was really wonderful. i think about the quiet beauty of that piece often.

  3. Oh man, that is a crapfest, isn't it?

    That article was...I don't even know. Coincidentally, boxed in and furious is how I've been feeling lately, mostly because of my idea of what a good parent is, so I'd love to hear your take on it if you ever get the chance.

    In the meantime, hang in there.

  4. That article is stupid. And self-indulgent. And stupid. People need to get over themselves and just freaking parent instead of trying to one-up each other in the "cool bad ironic parent sweepstakes." Which pisses me off even more than the "I'm the most perfect parent in the world sweepstakes." I think they're all just jealous that there are so many people who are just real, and really good writers - like you - than they could ever hope to be.

    Whoops, that was kind of ranty eh?

  5. That blows. Your blog looks fine. Taxes suck. Husbands coming home is weird. I had a similar library thing recently but they just put it under "claimed returned" and didn't hassle me. I yelled at some kid I didn't know. On Easter morning. At church. So.

  6. First, the useful (?) comment. I just read about yet another organizing scheme for paper which is actually WORKING for me (**gasp**). It's just taking an accordian file and labeling it with things like your different bill categories and medical expenses and day care and taxes or whatever and putting it somewhere convenient - ours is in a drawer (was on the counter till recently) next to me where I pay the bills and sticking everything in there right away. It's worked while the file cabinet hasn't because I don't have to walk to get to it. Lazy me, but it seems that when I quit fighting the laziness it works. :)

    Also, I have also yelled at a librarian or two for the very same thing. Very frustrating. And I WAS a librarian once, and I think everyone does the same thing in that situation. Do you want to hear a mean librarian story? The first time I checked out books from the library near our then-new house, I returned them about three weeks late for lots of uninteresting but nonetheless valid reasons - AFTER getting a notice that they were going to send me to collections. Collections for two books a couple weeks overdue??? So I complained when I went to pay my fine, and a very snarky librarian sent me over to a computer to pay it and wouldn't help me figure out the system and THEN, when I went back to the desk to check something out, fine resolved and resolved myself not to be grumpy at the other librarian because her co-worker was a pain, SHE was snarky and casting sideways smirky glances at Librarian #1. Like they'd been talking about me! Gahh. So. Here's hoping that the one you yelled at was a snarky one - I don't think it's any worse to yell at a librarian than anyone else.

    And I'd say something about re-entry, but need to zip it already, so - I'm glad he's home even though it's a little crappy right now!